There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
