Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
