From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Randomize
