I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
