I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
