He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
he's gonorrhea incarnate
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
