Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
I was told I was gorgeous and a whore by the drag queens. My night is complete.
Randomize
