Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Randomize
