Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
