you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
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