so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
Randomize
