TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
