sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Randomize
