somebody snuck up and got me drunk
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Randomize
