is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
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