i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
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