ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
