Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
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