If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Randomize
