Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
I have tasted many bathrooms
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Randomize
