I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
