based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
Randomize
