Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
Randomize
