if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
