I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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