Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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