I think i sorta joined a cult last night
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Boobs speak an international language.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
