Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
Randomize
