guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
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