In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
