so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
