i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Two words: blizzard sex
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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