I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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