im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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