i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
