Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
She needs sedatives and a leash
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Randomize
