Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
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