Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
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