shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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