he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
