Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
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