I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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