I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
mondays should just be called national damage control day
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
