Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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