Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Randomize
