...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
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