You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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