I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Randomize
