you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
