Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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