I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
