He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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