We won't sleep together?
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
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