I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
They thought I was the paid stripper pretty much, and a lady tried to set me up with her nephew and then wanted to get my number for lesbian daughter... A typical night for me
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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