So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
i've created a new STD.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
