i'm signing you up for texting rehab
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Just took my morning after pill in the library
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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