And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
Randomize
