im having a threesome with these popsicles
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
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