so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
I want to fling myself into the sun
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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