He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Randomize
