I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
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