there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
