I smell stomach acid.
Need sex. Gaining weight.
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
