don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
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