yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
Randomize
