i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
