Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Randomize
