Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Randomize
