Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Randomize
