so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
