I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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