So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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