What did we do last night that was yellow?
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
