dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
