its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
