Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
