You made me cry and you don't even care
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
