he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
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