The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize