when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
