Sponge bath it is.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
