I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Randomize
