i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
Randomize
