just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Randomize
