I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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