Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize